You know what? I have been thinking about something lately that really hit home for me.
We all show love differently. Some of us show it by spending time together. Others say it with words – “I am proud of you,” “You have got this.” Some of us cook a meal, fix something that is broken, or pick up extra shifts to help out. And some just need a hug or to sit close to someone.
The tricky bit? We give love the way WE understand it, but the other person might need something completely different. Then we think, “Why do not they get me?” when really, they do get you – they just speak a different language.
It is Not Just About Relationships
This is not just boyfriend-girlfriend stuff. It is everyone – your mates, your family, people in your community.
When I was volunteering with the COVID vaccines, I noticed this all the time. Some people needed clear instructions. Others just needed someone to chat with to calm their nerves. Some wanted you to hold their hand (literally!). Everyone needed something different.
Same when I was helping people at Citizens’ Advice. One person needed me to fill out forms with them. Another just needed to know someone believed their story.
The Thing About Being “Strong”
Here is what nobody tells you: everyone has a breaking point. Even the people who seem like they have got it all together.
And you know what is mad? Strong people often struggle with asking for help. We spend so much time being there for everyone else that we forget how to say, “Actually, I am struggling a bit.”
And when we finally do? People do not believe us. “But you are always so sorted!” So we just… go back to dealing with it alone.
My Story
People call me resilient. They see the court cases I have fought, the volunteering, the trustee work, the media interviews. They see someone who survived modern slavery and changed government policy.
What do they not always see? The nights I did not know how to ask for help. The times I felt completely overwhelmed but smiled anyway because that is what people expected.
I have spent years helping others – asylum seekers, vulnerable young people, and elderly folks during lockdown. But learning to receive help? That has been my hardest lesson.
What I Have Learned
It is not about being perfect. It is about trying.
Asking for help is not weak – it is actually pretty brave.
Learning how someone else needs to be loved or supported – even when it is different from what you would want – that is what matters.
And creating spaces where it is okay to say “I am not okay” – that is everything.
To You Reading This
Whether you are always the helper or always looking for help (or somewhere in between) – we are all just trying to figure this out.
You do not need to have it all together. You just need to keep showing up and trying to understand each other.
What about you? How do you show people you care? And what makes YOU feel cared for?….. Mds Journey continues…
